Betrayal of Trust

First of all, who do you trust nowadays? NO ONE! even you, yourself cannot be trusted let alone trusting anyone else. It made you feel very little and almost non-existence in this life. That is how I felt. Betrayal happens when no honesty in place. If you cannot be honest to yourself, how can you be honest to someone else, let alone someone you said you loved very much? It hurts to know that someone you trusted betrayed you again and again expect little less about saying sorry. More over, denying on the facts right in front of your eyes. How could you? If you have said sorry to me and admit you're wrong on your judgement, it may have been better but denials? I could not comprehend someone so close and claimed that you love me dearly yet betrayed your trusts!! So cheap, my existence is almost nothing that I could be easily replaced after 10 years of relationship?

I admit, I know I have my wrong doings in this relationship but never ever I betrayed his trust. I respected this relationship, good things I talked about you that how much gratuities I am grasping. Every night and day I prayed to God, of how lucky I am in his standing. But when my little specks appeared, it became bigger than the earth itself. It never been forgiven, never been appreciated that I am only human and needed attention. I distance myself to so many things, friendships are broken, I am away from my dearest family and no career just to make him happy. I do good deeds not because I want him to praise me but because that IS me. What you see is what you get. How can a person so transparent as me he is not seeing through? am I that invisible to him? am I (me) not matter to him at all?

Being betrayed once can be forgiven, betrayed again and again is just doom!! I am an instrument of God's service, word and deed. I thank you Lord for always there for me, when ever I needed you, you show your grace. I praise you Jesus, you are the only one I can trust! Now and forever...

Friendship

I am surrounded by so called friends but I don't even know them. Great friendship comes along and goes away. I have been hurt by this so called friendship. Thankfully few we made amend. We forgive each other and starts afresh again. But what in the friendship when you can't even share anything without being judge? Solid friendship only come from being honest. Trust no one but God!

Today I learn, even what you see as friend is not a friend at all. Betrayed by her words, although she offers great advice (in your face) yet behind is another story. I would love to take away her pain, I would love to give her my all but at the moment I have nothing to give apart from my faith in God! Why envy me? There is nothing for her to get jealous of. Is it my strong will? my determination or is she envious because I am always positive even in sorrow (of my own problems)? I cannot take credit for what has God done and given for me! Be grateful, always.

Let God speaks through you, they'll know God is with you (always) by your doing and your love. Accept each other for who they are. One's do not know someone's life until she/he walks the life in someone's path. Walk a mile in my shoes, see how you feel then cast your judgement. If you cannot accept the way I am then by all means, go away. Let me be, for I love God more than anything. Heaven do exist! and that is where I am aiming to go (one day).

Great is human friendship, but only one true friend and he is Jesus! Let me love my envious friends more than ever, Lord, so they may witness your love through me. Amen.

Was I?

Often I prayed and asks God, what have I done to hurt you? Why can't you see me for who I am? Or was I the one that was blinded by my anger for your stubborness? for the betrayal of trust? for not loving you enough? for not accepting your bad habits? Yes, no body is perfect! but at least try to make it bearable to other person too. I have tried to follow your path and it's doing us more damages. Collateral damage?? probably! Our body is holy, Holy Spirit is working in our body... God is telling me something and I reacted this way. If my judgment is wrong, is God wrong for letting me obeyed His words?

O God my Lord, you are the one is Perfect! Let your words speak unto us and may we trust and obey you only!

Complete silence

And then there were silence! I dislike a complete silence. Silence freaks me, there is no life yet there is movement everywhere. My heart is shuddering with silence, I am scared.... utterly! Ignorance with silence even harder to face. We were once good friends, we share almost everything, even after only knowing each other a mere 2 hours, felt like we've known each other in years. Now, at this moment we became strangers in our own home. No honesty, no love. For now, I am only paying my gratitude. It feel right yet it is so wrong. Something has taken over your life and it cannot be mended. I just wish, one day you'll look back and that how selfish you've become. Your vile words, intimidation and belittling doesn't press on me anymore. I think I am immune to them already. Yes, I am ready for a change, a change that give positive impact to both of us... and the little ones.

Here I am, sitting in the silence... lifting my heart, hoping something great is coming my way soon but I doubt it's ever going to happen. I silently conceded my defeat and that finally I am free to say, I let you go for I do not own you. We may share this life together in short while, and again I'd say, I do appreciate you. Every single things you've done for me, deep in my heart I thank you and may God Lord richly bless you and repay your kindess.

Forgiveness is one good thing I hugely keep in my heart. I forgive you, I am sorry for what have been said and done in the past... I hope you find your happiness soon and let me be. In time we heal our broken heart, time will make us more humane and accept the fact that nothing lasts forever. God do break marriages for a reason. I hope we are not in sin for breaking our promises. Thanks for everything and for the last thing, I am sorry my darling. I hope you understands, nothing can stop us finding our own happiness. Fly and be free..................... my dearest!

What do you do?

What do you do when thing goes wrong? What do you do when your life turned upside down? do you get enraged? do you stop?

I wish I am one of you, who stop and ponder on what to do next! Life is a mystery, I wonder if any of us gets to understand (really) the purpose of life. Marriage (ticked), having kids? (ticked), happiness (was ticked)... everything else is ticked; is life is about ticking the box in your checklists (job done?); or do God have other plan greater than life itself??

My heart is in trouble, my marriage is in trouble. Life that I expected long ago didn't go well according to plan (my plan not God's plan), again, if God already know what my future takes then why did He forsake me? Reach out to me O God, for I am weak! (Psalms 69) Save me, O God! The water is up to my neck; I am sinking in deep mud, and there is no solid ground; I am out in deep water, and the waves are about to drown me. I am worn out from calling for help, and my throat is aching. I have strained my eyes, looking for your help.

I cry aloud to God; I cry aloud, and he hears me. In times of trouble I pray to the Lord; all night long I lift my hands in prayer, but I cannot find comfort. When I think of God, I sigh; when I meditate, I feel discouraged. He keeps me awake all night; I am so worried that I cannot speak. I think of days gone by and remember years of long ago. I spend the night in deep thought; I meditate, and this is what I ask myself: Will the Lord always reject us? Will he never again be pleased with us? Has He stopped loving us? Does His promise no longer stand? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has anger taken the place of His compassion? Then I said "What hurts me more is this - that God is no longer powerful."

Teach me, Lord, what you want me to do, and I will obey you faithfully; teach me to serve you with complete devotion. I will praise you with all my heart, O Lord my God; I will proclaim your greatness forever. How great is your constant love for me! You have saved me from grave itself.

And should God grants me what I desire; would I obey or would I go stray?

Do you ever?

Do you every ask why God works in mysterious way? Why then, if God is good, He casts great sorrow to His people? If He knows what is good for us then, why does He created temptation?

Blimey, I am asking too many questions!

I could sense, something big is happening in the near future (or am I just being superstitious?). My heart is telling me to do something, guide me oh Lord! For everything I do is in your name and may You give me wisdom, Lord full of grace and mercy, help me!

Do we live our lives for what will last or for what will fade away? Are we striving for the world's praise or for Christ's 'well done' one day? -Sper

(If we are ready to die, we are ready to live). Is it only when we die, our good deed and worth gets noticed?

And then there was...

Reminiscing my youth memories, the importance in my life. I came to know Jesus in a young age and sure I fell in love with Him instantly but in rebellious way. I was baptised when I was only a few months old, not old enough to understand how great this gift was to me. But I reckon, it's better that way just to avoid (me) asking too many questions. In a way, I accepted Christianity without knowing a single thing. Of course later on I attended Church every Sunday without fail, not because I understand the reasons why but because my Mom and Dad's thinks it is compulsory for Catholic to go to church. I would get involved with the reading of Bibles, singing in the choir and general helping here and there because I would get praised or compliments by doing so. No doubt, I have the voice to follow tunes (not as great as my stage freak... LOL). In all honesty, I am still lost. No one has ever directed me the path (right) or should I say, I was waiting for something great to happen so I would understand, God's gracious love and His wonderful works, work?!

And then, Confirmation came along. I was in Grade 3, more rebellious than ever. All I care about was the bestest white dress I would wear, shoes to match and showing off all that jazz! Would God look at me differently? I doubt not! None of my family attended my confirmation day. I am used to not having any of my relatives attending any of my 'big day' so to speak. My godmother? I don't even remember! Bless her. So I graduated (or confirmed) as Christian (Catholic), PTL (Praise the Lord). Have my outlook on God changed? perhaps a little bit.

Even now, I feel so lonely, alone in His mercy... what am I waiting for? Lost in deep trouble, I am still reaching out for help.

Why then, the more I become closer to Jesus, the more troubles I endure? So help me God, save my soul!

whisperingpoppits

Loneliness, no one in their rights to be alone. Everyone in this world at least has someone they could talk to, share your story with, laugh with, cry with or even just to whisper in their ears how marvellous is the work of God. Remember the story of footprints? I am sure you are aware of the story. God is the only loyal and trusted companion. Thy men only adds bitterness in such life if it not with the foundation of God.

God has been with us from the start of the universe. God even loved us so much that He pour unto us His blessings, Holy Spirit to complement His wonderful grace. For Him alone is the purpose of our lives. Do everything in His name, never cease to love Him, for he is great and His greatness makes life, alive! There are other purpose of life, human life. We multiply, so said the Lord! Go and multiply to all nations.... but seek only God and His wonders. For when we die in Him only we will Live forever.

Here I am my friend, let His hands reach out to us.


I am no longer alone and lonely for He is with me. My faith will shine as my doing, but help me not to boasts to what I've done. He knows all our insecurity and asks us to pray even so. For only in prayer we receive His endless blessings.

Praise be the Lord, may God richly bless you and your family and take away your sorrow and turned it into joy. Amen!