Self discrimination and destruction are merely at reach. Why do I feel so helpless? These feelings of unforgiven child, unwanted and love deprived are unacceptable. I do not want to waste my time relapsing and back into dark corner again after so much I have done (and friends) to climbed up high. Once my spirit soar, now I am in glum. I know there are so many things (good things) I am looking forward to, to the future. But in the same breath, I felt the heavy pain, dull and aching every inches of my system. They are killing me! Oh Lord, I cannot sustain these pain any longer. Please take them away, I pray every day just to be closer to Jesus my Saviour, yet I kept asking, where is God when it hurts the most? Have God overlooked at my worth?
I lists down all the good things, since I left x. Surprisingly and positively, I am doing a OK. Taking the top position is Freedom (from alcohol, criticisms and mental abuse)! Amazing how my decision to leave my husband have made a huge impact in my life so far. To be honest I don't hate him. I hate the fact that I married him for all the wrong reasons. I was adamant that he was going to treat me right and show me the world (of wonder). In my rebellious youth, I wanted to be taken away from my current life. I managed to get away, here I am again whinging about my life.
Of course life would get better as I get through the healing process. So they say! I felt as if I am going backwards. I am needy, felt helpless yet I am stubborn. I do not want anyone to help, I refuse to show the true colour, but why? It is the mask that I wore every single day in every different situations. I conceal my true feelings and say 'it's all good'! Where else, not everything is good. I don't want to be bombarded with goodwill wishes without any action taken/given.
I WHISPER to myself, no matter how intense my predicaments in life, I must celebrate each day I take my breath, praising God, life in itself is a mystery! Thank you Jesus. Amen.
I lists down all the good things, since I left x. Surprisingly and positively, I am doing a OK. Taking the top position is Freedom (from alcohol, criticisms and mental abuse)! Amazing how my decision to leave my husband have made a huge impact in my life so far. To be honest I don't hate him. I hate the fact that I married him for all the wrong reasons. I was adamant that he was going to treat me right and show me the world (of wonder). In my rebellious youth, I wanted to be taken away from my current life. I managed to get away, here I am again whinging about my life.
Of course life would get better as I get through the healing process. So they say! I felt as if I am going backwards. I am needy, felt helpless yet I am stubborn. I do not want anyone to help, I refuse to show the true colour, but why? It is the mask that I wore every single day in every different situations. I conceal my true feelings and say 'it's all good'! Where else, not everything is good. I don't want to be bombarded with goodwill wishes without any action taken/given.
I WHISPER to myself, no matter how intense my predicaments in life, I must celebrate each day I take my breath, praising God, life in itself is a mystery! Thank you Jesus. Amen.
