Withdrawn from anything.

I am aware of my personal attitude, I am withdrawing from anything. Should you ask me why? I cannot answer!

Family break ups and separation are not an easy path to embrace. Believe me! Although I've chosen this path with open heart, I have been praying hard if this is the right decision and deep inside me, I know God want me to go through this path for me to open my eyes and heart for another door. What door is it? Not the kind of door you're thinking of, as I have no intention of looking for another relationship while I am going through the process of healing.

I do not condone a rebound relationship right after separation. Separation is not an answer to find someone better to replace your old partner neither to please your own desires thinking that you're free from doing so. Trust me, I am still married and while separated I am aware should I commit any intimate relationship with someone I will be condemned as an adulterer. As christian, I look for fullness in God's grace. Yes I am lonely and the need for adult companion of the opposite sex is greater each day! I pray to God everyday and night to avoid any temptation. This then to allow myself to prepare for forgiveness for myself and for my ex. Sometimes I do get pissed off with God! HE is aware that I am angry. The lack of companionship, respect, tolerance, attention and most of all LOVE! I wasn't loved enough or was it I didn't offer enough love!

Why did God allow my marriage when He Himself know one day it ends with bitter separation? Why didn't God do enough to save my marriage? There are so many times there could be a chance that this marriage be saved, why was God absent? I was crying for help, unheard! Every time I prayed for, HE relieved me to another opened door. I knew this is what God want me to go through. My calling for help is unheard, he is too stubborn and I am at the edge of everything. I couldn't see any appealing excuses to stay.

Now that the adrenaline is gone, I find myself yet crying for help!

Heavenly Father, I pray for those who are lonely. Where they hasn't got anyone to call for. Their hearts are crying to be loved and cared for but none of us understand their suffering. Let them look for friendship in You, Jesus as You are loyal and understanding but in the meantime may we help these lonesome souls, heal them, love them and care for them. Let the friendships be fruitful. With Your grace and wisdom let us not fall into temptation. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.